Little Jokes

A guy, his wife and his little kid are watching a football game on T.V. Some fans got pissed at the home team's ineffectiveness throughout the game and start yelling obscenities like "These bitches and assholes don't know how to play!"The kid asks his father, "Daddy, what are bitches and assholes?"The father thinks for a while and then replies, "Ladies and Gentlemen."
The following day, the father and the mother are having sex and the father says to his wife, "Nice tits."The wife replies, "Ohh, nice dick."The little kid, curious, enters the room after they've finished and asks his dad, "Daddy, what are tits and dicks?"The father thinks for a while and replies, "They are...coats and hats."
That afternoon, the family was preparing for a visit from some of their friends. The father was shaving when he cuts himself and says, "Ahh, shit!"The little kid hears this and immediately asks his father, "What is shit?"The father replies, "Shit...well, that is to shave."The mother, meanwhile, is carving some turkey in the kitchen when she cuts herself and says, "Fuck!!" The kid turns his attention to her and asks, "Mommy, what is fuck?"The mom thinks agonizingly in pain for a while and says, "Fuck...means...to carve turkeys."
The doorbell rings and the mother tells the little kid to introduce the people into the house. He opens the door and greets the people: "Welcome, bitches and assholes! Put your tits and dicks on the coathanger. My dad is shitting and my mom is fucking the turkey!!!